Monday, July 2, 2012

I'm... I'm balding?!

Day 67 of deployment

This. Cannot. Be happening. 

At the sprite young age of 21, my hair should be a flowing mane of chocolate locks. It should whip in the wind like a Garnier Fructis commercial every time I so much as even turn my head. It. Should. Be. Goddess like. 

Instead, it is vacating my scalp faster than prostitutes at an abstinence pledge. 

So now, my nightly "after-work-shower-sobbing-session" is accompanied by large clumps of brown hair, which have started to plug the plumbing. My parents have resorted to buying a "hair strainer" after my father pulled something that resembled a furry, well fed house cat out of the shower drain. 
I've entertained the idea of leaving the hair until it collected into a stylish, hipster bath-mat that I could sell on Etsy. My family, with their full heads of hair, dont seem to appreciate my innovative idea. 

Yes, I live with my parents. I  made the executive decision to move home with my family for the next year in order to financially prepare for my upcoming nuptials. "A way to save money," I tell people. In all reality, living with actual humans is probably the only way to keep myself from devolving into a delirious, shut in cat hoarder while my fiance is deployed. Although I work around people at a nursing home, the elderly aren't exactly the best vessels to practice social skills on, especially when they are convinced that this is still the year 1942 and that my name is Sissy. It's not.

My fiance has been gone for slightly over 2 months now. Two weeks after our whirlwind engagement, he was swept away by the military for a month, which turned into two, and is now going to be four. Besides my family, the only other individual I have to keep me slightly sane is my coworker Troy*. Being a flaming homosexual, Troy is the one male I can comfortably hang out with while my fiance is away. Our main similarities are our dead end job of wiping up the elderly, our spiteful mindsets, and our undying love for male wiener.
Troy is the only person I allow to yell at me when I begin acting neurotic. Which lately, has become a frequent occurence.

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