"Pearl Harbor Syndrome"

Day "I honestly dont give a crap" of deployment

Today is one of those incredibly frustrating, difficult days that I often find myself enduring during this stupid, God awful deployment. Nothing is better than discreetly text/skype arguing with your deployed significant other in between wiping up the elderly. If you are not familiar with the bullshit that deployment flings at spouses or significant others, maybe I can enlighten you. 

Because of my terrible day, I think it is time to chat about a little something I call "Pearl Harbor Syndrome." PHS for short. PHS is a term I endearingly coined, not from the actual event on December 7th, but from the Hollywood film Pearl Harbor. What does this have to do with anything?

Glad you asked. Wayyyyy back when, before I was dating a military man, I would sit and watch movies such as Pearl Harbor and think "How dreamy! Nothing more romantic than a man in uniform to write letters to and save the day and..." 

NO.

This is the epitome of Pearl Harbor Syndrome. By some sort of cinematic trickery, Hollywood has wooed women into believing that deployment is this romantic, mushy -gushy gobbledeegook that throws everyone into a whirlwind romance and leaves them banging ferociously in an airplane hanger. 

WRONG.

There is nothing romantic about wallowing alone in your kleenex and hair filled bed for days, with nothing to keep you company but your tears and the occasional visit from a concerned relative. 

Picture this:

 Imagine a horrific break up, the love of your life leaves you and flees to Europe in the arms of a needy, attention whore that requires all of his time. You know that maybe, one day, he will return to you, but you have no idea where he is at, when he'll come back, or if you are completely delusional.

It's like that. Only you are still together, you have no idea what continent or country, and the woman is actually a bunch of men in uniforms, otherwise known as the military. Those romantic letters cant always be sent because he cant tell you where he is, and more likely than not, you are not an attractive nurse who lives in Hawaii. 

Though sometimes I do wear red lipstick for no reason and pretend. 

Oh, and the only banging you ever do is your head against the wall in sexual frustration, because if you choose to be a faithful mate like myself, you wont see wiener. For a long. Fricken. Time. 

Yup, Pearl Harbor sure hit the nail on the head, golly gee! How fun! Every couple's dream!

Now dont get me wrong, I know that deployment has brought a lot of couples closer together. But the only closeness that it has brought me is closer to strangling my fiance and shitting all over a public restroom.

So, next time you sit down to watch your favorite lovey-dovey Pearl Harbor flick, just remember: Not only are those people waaaay to happy to be dating a deployed service member, they are also actively having sex. Food for thought.